So, here’s the thing. I grew up in a tire shop, surrounded by guys. I also hang around a racetrack (cars, not horses), surrounded by mostly guys. Most of my friends are men. And you know what? I’m a flirt, too. An incurable, yet harmless one. So I consider myself to have been pretty smart in choosing to marry someone who is secure enough that he doesn’t lose control of himself because I happen to hang around other men, and he’s never asked me to change who I am.
But I’ll tell you what – I’m getting pretty damn tired of being everyone’s dirty little secret. I just want to meet new friends, enjoy the ones I have, and that includes acknowledging in public that such a friendship exists. Being able to say hello, to chat online, be Facebook friends. This is why I find it difficult at times, to be honest, to be friends with women. It frustrates the hell out of me to see their distrust of their husbands, boyfriends, friends. And if they can’t trust me, then what’s the point of my even trying to build a friendship? Even if that man and I did have a past fling thing or relationship, get over it. Obviously he and I have. He’s with you, and I’m with my husband.
I tried to do something nice for a friend a couple of months back, and while he seemed thankful about it, what came out as being more important was the very fact that he knew me. And it became such a big deal that in the end it really soured my feelings about said friendship. We’ve been meeting occasionally for lunch for over a year now, and I thought he’d become more comfortable about being seen with me. But finding out that we knew someone in common – suddenly there had to be concocted stories and a bunch of other bothersome b.s. and now I wonder.. is it really worth it?
Another – I would post occasionally on his Facebook wall, in response to his own posts, and soon began to notice that my comments were disappearing. Idle chatter type posting here. Finally I asked him what was up, and was told “She’s not really comfortable with the fact that you and I had a thing.”
At the track – there’ve been wives who give me the evil eye just for saying anything to our friends beyond “Hey, great race..!” My husband’s even pointed it out to me, and he’s not exactly the paranoid type. I’m not some dipstick groupie looking to score, and I resent being thought of as such.
Not really sure what the solution is, but it gets tiring, old, and hurtful. If you have reason to believe I am after something you feel belongs to you, come and get me. But stop first and take a look at your own home on the range, and maybe figure out a) why he’d be looking, b) why you’re not giving him enough reasons to not look, and c) where that leaves you when I’m long gone out of the picture.
The end result is that I’ve become someone expendable, someone these men walk away from and sometimes very abruptly, because I’ve become the problem they don’t want to deal with anymore. Just wish I could tell from the beginning who’s going to go running. It would save me the time of trusting, of believing them that my friendship meant something.
No comments:
Post a Comment