I exist.
I wasn't sure I was aware of this, until today. Sure, I touch things, can smell a rose and see the clouds in the sky. I often find myself asking the question, "When my voice echoes through the woods, does anyone ever listen..?"
The messages began trickling in just before midnight, August 9th, 2010. Happy Birthday. Truly I wasn't aware that so many people out there in the world were paying attention. Facebook has, at last, proven its worth to me. Not only was my personal page flooded with posts, but my work page as well.
I existed.
My birthdays tend to take on princess-like proportions, thanks to the generous and loving nature of my husband. But beyond my immediate circle of friends, I honestly didn't realize that others noticed. I've spent the better part of this year analyzing a few things and taking a good hard look at my now 39-year old face in the mirror. Can't say that the reflection was all too clear. In fact, last week I asked a friend of mine if it was okay to quit at 40. One more birthday, we'll make it a good one, then I can call the whole thing off.
I'm tired..! Truly I am. There are days I am so overwhelmed by every damn little thing! And I want to get off of the merry-go-round. I want to sleep. Want to not think. About anything.
I have a year to decide where I want to be, who I want to see me, and what I want to do. What can I accomplish by the end of my fourth decade, and the better question will be - do I want to accomplish a single thing at all? Maybe it's time to stop making everything about me, and see the others around me.
No, that's way too enlightened for the likes of this old girl.
In the last twelve months, I have climbed ladders (not mountains.. I'm a bit of a gimp, you know..!), looked straight into the sun and been blinded by it, reached out to many and have been shot down by several. Where does that leave - or lead - me in the next twelve?
Where do you anticipate finding yourself as you wander through the next twelve pages on the calendar..?
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